"I pray and pray and everything just gets worse."
Watching 'Are You There, God? It's Me, Margaret' as an Exvangelical
Judy Blume books were verboten in my evangelical home growing up. I’m not sure if it was the sex talk or the religion talk or both, but - like no small number of kids who grew up in conservative Christian households - Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret was not on my summer reading list.
So when a producer for All Things Considered asked me if I wanted to interview the lead actor in the new film adaptation while guest hosting, I was intrigued. And completely charmed by my conversation with Abby Ryder Fortson, now 15.
Full disclosure, I’d been on a reporting trip last week - including spending nearly nine hours at a small-town commission meeting in New Mexico, bringing in this story about an abortion-related local fight. So I’d only had time to watch excerpts of the film and read some reviews before I spoke to Abby. But I left our conversation excited to watch it all the way through.
So last night, I took my husband and teen/tween sons to see the film. I saw myself in so many moments - both in Margaret, and her mother, Barbara.
I’ll try to avoid spoilers - most of what I want to say is thematic - but if you haven’t seen the film please be aware that these are my reflections on having seen it.
A few themes hit me:
Working Mom Angst: Barbara is wrestling with her responsibilities to her family, especially her growing daughter, versus her own needs and professional goals. One of the most beautiful moments of the film for me came early on, when we see Barbara struggling with this, and Margaret responds in a way that suggests she really sees her - not just as a mom, but as an artist and a fully embodied woman with her own passions and skills. When my 12-year-old gently tapped my shoulder during that scene, I may or may not have teared up.
Becoming a Woman: It’s been three decades since I was Margaret’s age, but I don’t think anyone forgets that stage of life. One moment you’re a little girl riding your bike, and the next, scary men are catcalling you from their cars. One spring you’re swinging on the playground, and the next fall you slide into that same swing set only to realize - I have hips now! Boys start treating you differently. Your chest gets sore. Everything happens really fast. Or, not fast enough. This story is a classic because it mirrors that tender experience for so many of us.
Interfaith Love, and Loss: Religion is a huge theme of this story (it’s right there in the title!). I see my own marriage in Margaret’s parents - her Christian mom and Jewish dad. I see myself in Barbara, aching from the pain of trying to make her worlds all fit together.
And I see myself in Margaret, praying and hoping someone answers, and asking earnestly, “Are you there, God?”
And the chaser? Standing in line for the ladies’ room afterward.
All the women seemed a little verklempt. A couple were impressed when I mentioned that I’d brought my husband and sons (I personally think boys need to be part of these kinds of conversations AT LEAST as much as girls!). One said she’d show it to her school-aged boy when he gets a little older. Another young mama told me that she has an infant daughter, and the movie made her think a lot about parenting and what will be in store as the years go by. I told her what everyone told me, that they go by fast.
“You seem like a good mom,” she added. I responded, “And so do you.”
I love what you wrote here, Sarah.
The book is SO relatable and dear to so many people. I read the book around age 10 or 11 and what stayed with me about it was its insight into girl-life that most moms could not adequately provide. I'm glad you finally got to experience it.
It was again interesting and informative to read your latest article. The openness and honesty is a pleasure to digest.