My emotional support animal
Meet Bailey
Happy Friday!
I’m taking a personal day, in an effort to come down from the stress of the week, the month, the year - and hang out with my kids, who are off school today. They are getting perilously big, and I’ve been away from them a lot for work travel - and I’m in one of those phases where emotionally, my margins feel thin. So we need a beat.
We started the day as usual with a walk, and coffee…and took a little extra time to sit on the porch and just breathe.
And we were joined by Bailey:
Bailey is a rescue, and what I would call a rebound dog: she joined our family several years ago just days after our previous rescue mutt, Martin, died tragically. We’d just moved, and a contractor was working on the house when Martin - who had never been one to run off but must have been disoriented by the new neighborhood - bolted out the front door and into the street and was hit by a car. I’ve never seen my younger son so distraught, and it ripped me apart, and so we adopted another dog almost immediately, for better or worse.
You know how people say, “My rescue dog rescued me?” Well, good for them, but let there be no doubt, we rescued Bailey.
Sometimes, if I’m being honest, I’ve second-guessed the decision to adopt Bailey.
She is a big girl - half Great Dane.
She pulls on her leash (we’ve worked on it, and she’s gotten better, but it’s still kind of a pain).
She will eat any food in sight the minute you leave the house if it’s not locked down (she once managed to open the oven and eat a giant slab of leftover salmon while we went for a walk without her - our bad).
She’s had a lot of weird and expensive health issues:
At the same time, she is loyal and sweet and great with kids (a must) and mostly pretty obedient. But she’s just…complicated.
When I met her, in those blurry days after losing Martin, the shelter staff said she’d been through a lot: her owner died, she’d bounced from house to house, spent some time in foster care, and been sent back to the shelter because she is really bad with other dogs.
They said she’d been in that sad metal cage for four months. She had spots on her “elbows” - for lack of a better word - that appeared to be wearing away on the concrete floor.
I felt for her, and I felt like maybe we needed each other.
She still frustrates us a lot. A couple of weeks ago, I was out for coffee with friends when I got a frantic call from my husband. She’d had an unspeakable accident involving the couch cushion and more. She must have eaten something she wasn’t supposed to - yet again.
Then a couple of days ago, we came home and discovered she’d found her way onto the counter and into the black-and-white cookies and hamantaschen my husband had brought home in honor of Purim.
So yeah…she kinda drives us nuts sometimes.
But this morning, as I sipped my coffee and tried to slowly uncoil the tension that’s been building in my body for at least a few weeks, she came and sat at my feet, and let me pet her, and…I could literally feel my brain chemistry shifting. Very quickly, I began to feel warmer, lighter, softer, somehow. Comforted. And I remembered why we keep these animals around.
I’ve been thinking a lot lately about how to reset my brain chemistry, as naturally as possible. There’s absolutely a role for therapy and sometimes medication (been there!), but I am trying to discover and lean into the simple things that help me feel okay when everything feels like it’s crashing down around me.
A few of those things, for me:
walks (bundled up in the cold if need be)
yoga (better in a group, but a video is better than nothing)
breathing/meditation (not great at this, but trying to do it more - would appreciate any tips!)
margaritas and queso (Does that count as natural? Not healthy, but just being honest here!)
coffee with good friends (until the dog literally craps the couch)
cuddles and hugs
And yes, petting the dog.
I sit outside, in the backyard with my two Scotties, the Good Boy and the Heck Hole. The Heck Hole pulls on the lead, barks like he's a German Shepherd and has a schedule that must be followed or he deposits gifts in unforeseeable locations (that's why he's called Heck Hole). I look at the sky, day or night, and remember that today's stupid, goofy, foolish annoyances are just that. Then I remember the wisdom of the universe: this too shall pass. Learn to love the stupid, goofy, annoyances that change your day and realize that it's so much better than not having that day at all.
Wishing you all the best. A nice deep breath, music that you love, and time with the kiddos and your version of the Heck Hole, will make it better.
My go-to suggestion for breathing/meditation is The Meditation Podcast. Perfect to fall asleep to, but also great for breathing practice and peaceful visualizations. Best of luck with the pup!